Michael Seitzman: “I Want My Country Back!”

Editor’s Note: This satiric take on the underlying racism of the birther phenomenon contains language some may find objectionable. If you are satire-challenged and prone to taking things too literally, it may not be for you.

I hear you, lady. And thank you for bravely holding up your birth certificate and tellin’ that Congressman Castle you want your country back! Hell yeah, darlin’! Hell frickin’ yeah!

You want your country back from that “citizen of Kenya” who’s dirtying up our lily White House with his jungle music and satin sheets. I hear you loud and clear. I mean, Jesus H. Christ, this guy didn’t ride in on a white horse, people! He rode in on a low-rider with a 40-ounce and few bitches in the back seat. Back in the old days, when it was still our country, we’d just hang that nigger up. But now, now that these Jews and Ayrabs took our country from us, they just say thank you and give that nigger a motorcade to ride our white asses right over to commie-ville, all while playing Hail to the motherfuckin’ Chief! Enough is enough! Can I get an amen, Lou Dobbs? Rush Limbaugh, can I get a hallelujah?! Or how about just a bill passed, Congressman John Campbell?! Sure, you might be a goddamn retard, but you’re our kinda goddamn retard! Let’s make it a law, goddammit! Can’t be no goddamn president unless you have a goddamn birth certificate! That’ll show them niggers!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard all about his Jew lawyers bringing out his “birth certificate” during the campaign. Forgery. Heard about the McCain folks investigating it and saying there was no there there. Yeah, well, what do you expect from John McCain. Couldn’t beat a nigger in the U-S-of-A, even with that pretty Sarah Palin at his side! Mmm, mmm, I like me some Sarah. Anyway, yeah, I also got an earful about that Republican Governor of Hawaii and his lily-livered Health Department official saying he saw the original birth certificate. Puh-lease. You think I don’t know you’re in on this whole sham, Governor Nigger-lover?!

And about this so-called birth announcement that showed up 47 years ago in the newspaper? What do you expect from the Jew York Times!!! Those kikes hate America. Oh, it wasn’t the New York Times? It was Honolulu Adviser? Well, so what, Hawaiians are just lighter skinned niggers who surf, far as I’m concerned. They’re all in on it together. We don’t get this country back, right-frickin’-now, you can bet they’re just gonna hand it right over to the terrorists. That’s right, terrorists. You don’t want to get me started on Obama Bin Laden…

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