From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Loud and Tumultuous Late Night Snark
(With a generous assist from Dan’s place)
“Yesterday, to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, the three astronauts from Apollo 11 visited the White House. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were allowed to set foot inside the White House, while Michael Collins was forced to drive around in circles outside.”
“I know where I’m going to go on my next break. I’m going to the C Street House in Washington, D.C. You know what this is? It’s kind of a frat house for Christian congressman, where they live and pray together and counsel each other on how to adhere to the nine commandments.”
“Sarah Palin’s friends say they are worried about her because she looks frail and her hair is thinning. It’s all part of her plan to run for president in 2012 as John McCain.”
“The longest solar eclipse of the century was visible across Asia today, generating enormous excitement. Particularly in China, where people were trilled to finally see the sun blotted out by something other than the air.”
And our favorite:
“Oh my God! Barack Obama’s running the old Kenyan Prince Birth Announcement scam! Here’s how it goes: you want to destroy America from the inside but you can’t because you’re a foreigner. So first, you gotta find yourself a good ol’ American to reproduce for you. Then, you have that child on foreign soil, while simultaneously placing the birth announcement of that child in one of our “fringe” state’s local newspapers. … And then, you wait until this baby is a middle-aged man. Now the trap is set—you just sit back and let that child go out and win the election for President of the United States.
Now here’s where the scam gets tricky; they can’t just win the popular vote. He or she must have a strategy to win the vote—that’s what trips up most grifters. But, if you pull it off, you and your puppet child can sit back and destroy the fabric of the country you both hate so much. It’s almost easy.”
Many Republicans will read that as a statement of truth. Those people are proof that some Americans have, in fact, successfully landed on Mars.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts in There’s Moreville… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]