Mitt Romney looks into Hillary Clinton’s eyes and sees … latte

Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney gestures as he speaks at the Republican National Committee Winter Meeting in San Diego, California January 16, 2015.  REUTERS/Mike Blake  (UNITED STATES - Tags: POLITICS) - RTR4LRP8

For some reason, Mitt Romney thinks he has the public affection and trust to be an effective attack dog against Hillary Clinton. Instead, he’s a hilarious attack dog:

“Well, I thought the text [of her Saturday speech] touched the various places she needs to touch to try and keep her base intact. Somehow when you see her on a stage or when she comes into a room full of people, she’s smiling with her mouth but her eyes are saying, ‘Where’s my latte?’ It just doesn’t suggest that she believes everything she’s saying,” Romney said on Monday on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” speaking via satellite from Salt Lake City.

It’s hard to know what to tackle first here, so let’s go in the order he said it. “She’s smiling with her mouth but her eyes are saying, ‘Where’s my latte?’” Really? Granted, in Romney’s cultural home turf, lattes

not really a thing, but can he possibly still think lattes come off as a snooty liberal elite product? Or did he mean to include pumpkin spice in his imagination of Clinton’s latte order by way of calling her basic?
“It just doesn’t suggest that she believes everything she’s saying,” says Mitt f’ing Romney. Does he figure that since lack of authenticity was a charge that worked so well against him, it’s a magical slam that will be equally bruising against everyone? Or maybe that, as America’s most notoriously inauthentic politician, he’ll be seen as an expert on the subject?

But that’s not all. Explaining why he’s not running, Romney said “our best shot is if we have someone who represents a new face, a new generation of political leaders, whether it’s Jeb Bush or Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Scott Walker, John Kasich, you know, Carly Fiorina and on and on.” JEB BUSH, y’all. New generation, new face. Elected governor of Florida four years before Romney was elected governor of Massachusetts, the son and brother of presidents.

It’s not as much fun as if he’d run for president again, but a Mitt Romney who thinks voters want to hear his zinger-filled assessment of the presidential race could still be a rich source of entertainment.

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