Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

“Remember, folks, children are our future…”

As we await the start of the Democratic candidates forum in South Carolina, the kids weigh in with Kimmel on the 2016 candidates:

Your last DK v. 4.0 west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Oh! More Things I Know:

Tuesday’s Democratic winners will be careful to enact policies that don’t overreach. Tuesday’s Republican winners will be careful to enact policies that do nothing but overreach.
In the 36 hours since the polls closed Tuesday, I’ve received 296 emails from various campaigns informing me that our work isn’t finished, by which they mean the work involving me giving them more money.

Kim Davis’s husband Joe is so excited to be going to Kentucky governor-elect Matt Bevin’s inauguration that he’s already rented his tuxedo overalls.

Halloween Popemobile 2015

Also I know that the baby popemobile won Halloween.

George H.W. and Barbara Bush have a bright red box in their house that says, “In case of emergency, break glass and run Neil.”
At this point it would be easier if the automakers published lists of the cars that aren’t being recalled.

Al

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Thursday”

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

If the Elections Didn’t Go Your Way Last Night

Same drill as last year. Step 1: Spend the day with one of these…

Golden retriever

Step 2: See Step 1.
I hear it’s clinically proven.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold…and life goes on.

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

A Votin’ We Will Go…

Sure, it’s an off-off-year election day, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some—nay, a lot of—important issues and candidates on the various ballots around the country.

Here in Maine we’ve got some interesting decisions to make. Three state ballot initiatives are aiming to fund affordable housing for low-income seniors, transportation projects (roads, bridges, commuter hovercraft lanes) and—gasp!—clean elections.

GOTV sign

As true as ever.

Closer to home, Portland is having its first mayoral re-election election. Four years ago Democrat Michael Brennan became the first voted-in and paid mayor since 1923, 88 years after the position was reduced to a mere symbolic one as decided by the city council. Brennan’s main competition is from fellow Democrat Ethan Strimling. Not to dive too far into the local weeds, but I hope Strimling loses. Someone’s gonna need to pick up the gubernatorial

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday”

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

The GOP Candidates Unveil Their New Debate Format

Rush Limbaugh: Thank you for joining us for the fourth Republican debate. I’m Rush Limbaugh with my co-moderators Sean Hannity and Mark Levin. Mark, I see you have a spoon of chocolate pudding ready, so why don’t you ask the first question.
Mr. Levin: Thank you, Rush. Governor Huckabee, my question to you is: would you like some pudding? Would ya, huh huh? Brrrrrrroom Brrrrrrrroom…here comes the big pudding airplane into the big Huckabee hangar! Open wide…. Attaboy! Mikey eats the pudding!

U.S. Republican presidential candidate and former Governor Jeb Bush waves to the crowd at the conclusion of the North Texas Presidential Forum hosted by the Faith & Freedom Coalition and Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas October 18, 2015.  REUTER

“Jeb want pudding, too!”

Gov. Huckabee: Nom nom nom! Yummy pudding tasty! Jesus loved pudding and I love Jesus so I LOVE PUDDING! Impeach Obama!
[Audience standing ovation]

Mr. Limbaugh: Sean Hannity will ask the next question with the next spoonful of pudding.

Mr. Hannity: Thanks, Rush. This question is

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Monday”

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: Farewell October Edition

“Jeb Bush had a very rough night [at the debate]. He finally got time to say what he wanted, and how did he use it? He attacks not Donald Trump, not Hillary Clinton or Ben Carson. Of all people, he attacks Marco Rubio for missing votes in the Senate. Which is something that literally no one outside of Florida cares about. It was embarrassing. It’s just like a Bush to attack the wrong guy.”
—Jimmy Kimmel
“Carly Fiorina said that after the previous debate, people told her that she needed to smile more. They were like, ‘Just pretend you’re laying off a bunch of people.'”
—Jimmy Fallon

Halloween graphic about Republicans

“On 60 Minutes Vice President Joe Biden said he chose not to run for president because he couldn’t win. After hearing this, Bobby Jindal said, ‘Since when is that

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Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Things I Learned from Republicans in October

Time to give your brain cells their monthly workout:

Sex belongs to Christians. (Pastor John Piper)
American schools should have a sticker on their windows that say, “We are armed. Come in at your own peril. You will be shot.” (Rand Paul)

Gay marriage is like car seats for conjoined twins. (Ben Carson)

Elephant in graduation gown

President Barack Obama’s treatment of Israel caused the thousand-year floods in South Carolina. (Michele Bachmann)
Real Christians own guns. (Tennessee Lt. Governor Ron Ramsey)

County legislatures can pass resolutions barring God from destroying them within their jurisdictions. (Blount County, Tennessee Committeewoman Karen Miller)

Rape victims who schedule an abortion are the same as slave owners. (Ben Carson again)

Guns should be taken away from people…but only black people. (Former

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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

If Carson The Surgeon Was As Nutty As Carson The Candidate

Operating room lights

Dr. Ben: Nurse, this is a very delicate brain operation, so let’s proceed carefully.
Nurse: Yes, doctor. Ready when you are.
Dr. Ben: Rib spreader…
Nurse: Beg pardon?
Dr. Ben: Rib spreader! Rib spreader!
Assistant Surgeon: Doctor, shouldn’t you put the patient under first?
Dr. Ben: Who the heck are you? What’s your name?
Assistant Surgeon: I’m Dr. Mohammed, your assistant. And shouldn’t you be wearing a mask and gloves?
Dr. Ben: Muslims can’t be doctors! You’re too radical! Out of my operating room! Nurse, we need to knock this patient out—gimme the mallet.
[Whomp!]

Dr. Ben: Good. He’s in la-la land. Now gimme the nutcracker.

[Crack!]

Dr. Ben: Oh, hey, looka those brains!
Nurse: Dr. Carson, this is a highly irregular procedure.
Dr. Ben: Quiet, nurse! One more

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday”

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

ENTER… The Republican House of Horror!!!

Welcome, human biological units, to the dwelling where all your fears become reality, and your greatest nightmares come to life…

SEE! Cackling Carly’s Invisible Baby Parts Harvesting Video, which she’ll describe to you in all its gory detail with shadow puppets. The only way to escape is to send her into an approval ratings death spiral by pushing her into the Chasm of Overreach.
SEE! Crazy Christie’s Quiet Car, where the New Jersey governor chases you around an Amtrak train with a bloodberry smoothie in his hand shouting “Seriously?!! SERIOUSLY?!!!” and tries to slap a FedEx sticker on your forehead so he can track you down in your nightmares. Bwoo ha ha! Bwoo ha ha!

CROSS! The Bridge to Austerity, which gets more rickety the further you go as the foundations of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid

Ghoul welcoming people outside a haunted house

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Cheers and Jeers: Monday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

The Week Ahead

Monday Today is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. We all chipped in and got her the #1 gift on her list: a relaxing day at a Republican-led congressional hearing.
Bernie Sanders sits down with the hosts of The View. By the time it’s over they all feel just a little guilty for being millionaires.

Tuesday The World Cup Champion U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team visits the White House. President Obama says that, after watching Republicans in Congress this month, it’s nice to see members of a team who know how to use their heads.

United States Capitol building ith scaffolding

Outside the Capitol, things continue
to be repaired. Inside the Capitol,
things continue to be broken.

Hillary Clinton brings her charm and intelligence to New York City as she hangs out with Stephen Colbert on The Late Show. Trey Gowdy brings his bitterness and disappointment to Washington D.

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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

C&J Fundraiser: The Final Day

Eight years ago today, mere days after the DKos community swarmed to make writing this column my full-time gig via voluntary donations and monthly subscriptions, the Portland Press Herald published an article about Cheers and Jeers (no longer online, but that’s okay because the photo they used made me look like a beached whale). The stuff about me didn’t mean diddly compared to the stuff about you and it’s always humbling to repost reporter Dieter Bradbury’s take on the kiddie pool:

Portland Press Herald article from october 23, 2015 on Bill in Portland Maine writing Cheers and Jeers full-time.

“Look, Ma! Made the paper!”

Cheers and Jeers resonates with its readers, who live from coast to coast and fiercely compete to be the first to post a comment in response to Harnsberger’s blogs. Most say they gravitate to Cheers and Jeers because it’s a welcoming place, free of the sniping and personal attacks that characterize many

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!”

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

C&J Fundraiser: The Final Day

Eight years ago today, mere days after the DKos community swarmed to make writing this column my full-time gig via voluntary donations and monthly subscriptions, the Portland Press Herald published an article about Cheers and Jeers (no longer online, but that’s okay because the photo they used made me look like a beached whale). The stuff about me didn’t mean diddly compared to the stuff about you and it’s always humbling to repost reporter Dieter Bradbury’s take on the kiddie pool:

Portland Press Herald article from october 23, 2015 on Bill in Portland Maine writing Cheers and Jeers full-time.

“Look, Ma! Made the paper!”

Cheers and Jeers resonates with its readers, who live from coast to coast and fiercely compete to be the first to post a comment in response to Harnsberger’s blogs. Most say they gravitate to Cheers and Jeers because it’s a welcoming place, free of the sniping and personal attacks that characterize many

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!”

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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C&J Annual Fundraiser Links

One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
To send a donation via snail mail, the address is:
Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Time once again to play History: Cruel…or Kind?

Round 1:

Exxon gets caught denying the existent of its own research into climate change while using that same research to make strategic decisions on how to maximize profits off of climate change.
History will be cruel because…it’s become the catalyst for Senator Bernie Sanders and others to demand criminal investigations, so the corporate behemoth could be in deep trouble.

History will be kind because…at least the cockroaches finally have hope that their quest for world domination will bear fruit as the parasites known as homo sapiens extinct themselves.

Verdict: History

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Thursday”

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

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C&J Annual Fundraiser Links

One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
To send a donation via snail mail, the address is:
Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Do The Jeb! Shrug!

Hey everybody there’s a new sensation
And it’s sweeping shoulders all across the nation
It’s called the shrug. [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp]
The Jeb! Shrug! [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp]

The Jeb! Shrug!

It’s a simple move you can do anywhere
To fake empathy when there ain’t none there.
Do the shrug. [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp]
The Jeb! Shrug! [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp]
If it’s a shooting spree in a college hall
Or a shuttle crash that you can’t recall
Do the shrug. [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp]
The Jeb! Shrug! [Bomp Bomp Sh’bomp

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday”

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Quick C&J Fundraiser Update

Many thanks to everyone who contributed to keep Cheers & Jeers alive and kickin’ for another year yesterday. The cajole-a-thon is off to a great start.

Generic graph,

Some people say this is how C&J
makes you feel. Others disagree.

When Kos first emailed me back in 2005 about moving C&J from the diaries to the front page, he caught the gist of it well when he said it would serve as a breezy morning wake-up column. That’s exactly what it is. Easy to skim through, nothing too deep, a good way—along with the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup gang that posts before us—to plant your feet on the ground and get your neurons up-shifted from a foggy shuffle to a brisk jog. Soon after that, we started running Friday’s column later in the day for our west coast readers, and it’s become the

Kitschy office setup

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday”

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

“Take My Soul…Please”

Ah, mid-autumn. The leaves are dropping, a familiar nip returns to the air, pumpkin spice is infused into everything from Twinkies to Tomahawk missiles, and your grip on my soul is slipping faster than supervillain Dr. No’s mechanical hands on that metal pole as he descended into a pool of boiling water in his own nuclear reactor at the end of that James Bond movie I can’t remember the name of.

Cup of coffee with spoon adding sugar

For the price of a cup of coffee per
day, you can enjoy both C&J and
one less cup of coffee per day!

So it’s money-asking time once again. Totally win-win. You get C&J for another year. I get to relinquish my soul for another year, which frees up valuable storage space in my chest cavity for candy corn. Oh, and also pays the rent.
Quick C&J backstory: I started

hands making a heart shape.

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Monday”

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: Post-Debate Edition

“Turned out it was the highest-rated debate for the Democrats ever. More than 15 million people tuned in to watch Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and the three high school principals they invited to fill out the stage.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

The Daily Show host Trevor Noah graphic on jails in America

Bernie Sanders debate clip: The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails!
Larry Wilmore: Note to self—never lose my Frisbee in that man’s back yard.
 The Nightly Show
Hillary Clinton debate clip: I went to Wall Street in December 2007 before the big crash that we had, and I basically said ‘cut it out!’
Stephen Colbert: Yeah! Back in 2007 before the big crash she said, ‘Cut it out! I’ve had just enough of you collapsing the economy, Mister, stop it right now or you’re going to bed without any cocaine!

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!”

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

If you missed Tuesday’s Democratic debate but don’t have time to watch the whole thing in reruns, here’s a recap from the Most Trusted Name In News…the Taiwanese Animators:


By the way, the Bernie flamethrower is now available from his online store ha made ya look.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Me + Haiku = Really Bad Idea

Ryan plucks petals
They love me, they love me not
Boehner holds his breath

Kildare Japanese garden.

Shooter in classroom
Carson springs into action
“Kindergartners! Chaaaaaarge!”
Dems debate issues
Facts, truth, vision, common sense
Trump’s verdict: “Snoozer”

Missiles overhead
Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran
Putin calls oopsies

Halloween is nigh
Gonna scare the kids real good
[Ding Dong!] “Jeb!” [Pee flows]

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Let’s Talk!

The first Democratic presidential debate is tonight in Nevada (please pronounce it correctly: nee-VAY-day) and it’ll be televised on CNN unless they have to cut to live coverage of a Donald Trump rally. Here’s some free advice for the candidates based on my experience in hardscrabble politics on the playground in third grade:

Martin O’Malley: Your biggest assets at the moment are your biceps. So when you’re asked a question, rrrrrrip the sleeves off your shirt start cracking walnuts with those guns. Note: bring extra shirts for your rebuttals.

Lectern for CNN Democratic debate October 13 2015

And for heaven’s sake, pundits, stop calling
this “Biden’s empty podium.” It’s a LECTERN.

Hillary Clinton: You need to convince Democrats that your evolving policy positions are now set in center-left stone. So state them clearly and forcefully during the debate. And then after the debate etch them into a boulder

Continue reading “Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday”